Right now is such a crazy time for me. I rarely have time to myself, and when I do, I don't know what to do with myself because I am so used to running around and busy. I haven't even had any decent inspiration to write and my story is sitting there, partially finished and so very sad. It wouldnt be so bad if I didn't have almost all my time taken up talking to retards and losers on the phone at work 8 hours a day. I would think that hopefully I could talk to a reasonable person, but i guess not. I can't even talk to someone who researches a computer before spending $2000 on a computer they think is going to be top notch for thier buisness, only to find out that they are stupid for not getting a BUISNESS line product and wonder why they have to follow a consumer line warranty...I hate my job alot right now...but so what else is new there? I have been there for 5 years almost and am still only making $12.30 an hour...how sad is that? And to top it all off, have your best friend tell you your work life, home life, and relationship sucks. Now that's real love for you...not! I wish I could create somethign that eliminates all the ignorant, stupid retards from ever existing. Now that would be nice. it won't happen, but one can always dream.

Well I am going to finish this nice strong drink that I poured for myself, and sleep...if at all possible...

Well I am starting to see why I am so messed up...lol
I am not going to get into it right now, but yeah...
I am just glad the week is over and I am actually looking forward to work tomorrow...spooky...

I am starting to really hate my job sometimes. I am sick of acting like I am happy for everyone so they dont realise I am ina shitty mood. I will be ina bad mood and then they ask why and I say I am fine and smile to try and convince them I am. I laugh and joke with them, I push my worries aside and pretend. Its not good, and its getting to be too much. The people I want to tell I am too afraid. But then, I just dont want to hear the answers I already know. The answers that would solve all my problems. I have a few ideas...but I will ignore the first ones.
So another day has gone by and now all I want to do is crawl into my bed, and sleep
I cant wait for this lip ring to heal...grrrr

I am now 24 years old, and it doesn’t feel it at all. I feel maybe 19 at the most right now...lol
I think I may be over my slump of not being able to write very much. I am hoping to get to work on my story that I started. Maybe get one of my novels started and on the go. I am hoping.
Well, for now it is just a poem I have written. But it helped get my creative juices flowing. Who knows what will happen in the next little while.
Well, I am of again to go out…yay for me

I can’t believe it is already 9 days until Christmas and I have barely done my shopping. It is so crunch time now. I think this year may be the most stressful Christmas season of them all. I wish that I could fall asleep and wake up next year after my birthday that would be nice. People ask me "What do you want for Christmas?" No one really wants to know what I want for Christmas. If they did they would not be happy. So I suck it up and say I want gift certificates for clothes, oils, candles, incense, etc...The only thing I cant wait for is it is Brody's first Christmas this year (he’s my youngest nephew for those who are reading this and don’t know me) and Kaleb's 3rd Christmas (the older nephew). other than that I plan on keeping my mouth shut and smile and pretend that everything is ok and I am enjoying myself and then sleep and go to work the next day. Hurray for me. With any luck we will get snow (doubt it) and i can at least go outside with Kaleb and ignore everyone else. I now have come to the point where I dread holidays and its because I know its all about the gifts. You can sugar coat it all you want but in the end that’s all it is. It’s about getting and it makes me sick sometimes. I don’t want anything. All I want…well let’s not get into that. But for now I think that I shall just go and get ready to go out. Christmas comes very soon and I need to get as much done today as possible. Yay…oh god someone shoot me…